The real question here is how many cups of tea I consumed over January. A whole lot.
Hello and welcome friends of the internet, to a fresh new post in a fresh new year.
It is February 9th when I’m writing this. Sue me. I’m late. I also have two Christmas presents sitting on my dining room table waiting to be deposited into the right hands. I think it’s fair to say now that my New Year Resolutions consisted more of ‘let’s just get through 2019’ than ‘2019 is the year I get organised’. Sorry, my bad. I did clean out the cupboard under the sink though. So there’s that.
JANUARY. Wow. Where do we start. When did we end? It was just one…big month. And I’m very smug about it being over, if I’m honest. January is regularly a scorching hot collection of days and six days straight being housebound while allowing my dogs the respite of air conditioning was…well, it was interesting.
To start with, there were the goannas.
I KNOW. Australia, right? If you haven’t witnessed my absolute frenzy of panicked texts (big love to all the group chats) or the odd Instagram story in which I display the ABSOLUTE MONSTERS living out the back of the property, well. Have I got a story for you.
I am not a precious city girl. Never have been. I’ve lived with animals and backyards, close to the bush and side by side with a wide array of birds since I could walk. I like to think of myself as a local in my part of the woods (I feel like an old woman saying that. Moving on). But nothing, and I do mean nothing could have prepared me for the pure unprecedented joy horror that is the monitor lizards.
We saw our first one about fifteen minutes after we got engaged. It was enormous, perhaps a meter long and very fat. It was basically a stubby dinosaur, but it was on the neighbouring property, so hey ho.
Then January comes round. And the lizards have mated. And now there are many.
Let me summarise, because this is the hundredth time I have divulged the sheer terror that is the lizards. The big lizard mated. Now little lizards (mind, the little ones are still longer than our dogs) start climbing trees. Actually they all start climbing trees. Basically there are huge monster lizards everywhere.
Now this is where the terror comes in. The lizards are far enough away from the house to give me a bubble of peace and quiet, but see, we have plenty of native bunny burrows quite close to our house and yard, separated only by a small wire fence.
And goannas, they need to eat.
Look, this blog is a friendly forum, so I’m not going to go into the graphic details (I have pics though, hmu). All I’m saying, is I have witnessed too many times, a goanna stalk a bunny and then attack. And kill. And then it climbs a tree with its prize and eats it. Blah. I know. The little goannas are all big now (full of little bunnies), and I’m disappointed because I was giving them names and now I can’t differentiate between Bob and Gary.
SO YEAH THERE IS THAT. I couldn’t sleep for two nights, kept awake thinking of Gary slithering into our room and nudging my hand with his scaled head.
Rest assured, a week or so ago, a large hoard of cockatoos arrived, and for some unknown reason, terrorised the goannas out of the trees, and into hiding further down the back of the property. I’ve only seen the lizards a handful of times since, and thankfully witnessed no rabbit deaths. I feel aged after the experience. Perhaps I’ll buy an akubra and get a horse, I haven’t quite decided.
Ok, I’m well aware that anything and everything that happened beside the goannas in January pales in comparison, but just to note:
The egg (literally an egg) that beat the record for Instagram likes, knocking Kylie Jenner off her throne? And then went on from 18 million likes to fifty-two million (at this point). People who say Millennials don’t do anything for society, I BEG TO DIFFER.
In other news, I watched You on Netflix, and if you didn’t think Dan Humphrey (I know, everybody is referring to him as that, but has he ever actually acted in another role? ever? Other than Easy A with Emma Stone?) was crazy, you will now. It was good. Basically Gossip Girl suspense but a little more edgy. There’s a lot of murder, and you know I love a twisted murder story.
Lastly and perhaps most importantly, is that the grocery stores started selling Easter eggs and Hot Cross Buns on Boxing Day. And I’ve bought variations of both every week since. No I won’t stop. Quit complaining they sell them so early, they’re good.
And resolutions? I have a daily diary, so of course I have resolutions. One of them was to read a novel a month. I’m 10 days behind, but it’s fine, we’re all fine.
I’ve just let the dogs outside and they’re basking together in the sun, so I’m going to join them because they’re very cute.
Happy January loves, that’s the last one I’ll ever get as an unmarried gal.